Trading textbooks for techno

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I used to drag my unsuspecting school mates into the art supplies cupboard to sniff poppers. Much more fun than drawing a still-life, fruit and veg combo.

I enjoyed school, but a lot of the curriculum was pointless. Kids are churned out into society without a clue about real life. But they know trigonometry so everything will be ok, right? Trigonometry (or Trig as my Maths teacher used to call it) is of course is an essential skill required to earn money, get you laid, and choose a path in life.

I wouldn’t go as far as Pink Floyd and say ‘we don’t need no education’.  Because I’m a stickler for grammar and frankly that sentence upsets me.

We need an education, obviously. But not all the crap we get taught at school. I’m not going to get all political here, because I know feck-all about politics. But what kids get taught by teachers needs to change! Along with adding some basic lessons such as Life Skills, which would teach kids about debt and credit cards, I reckon the history of music should be added to the weekly line up. As well as a practical lessons with proper instruments and software.  The only musical elements of school I can recall, is playing the delightful ricorda. My special trick was belting a song out of two at once; one in each nostril. My parents must have been so proud.

When you consider how much influence music has on our lives, it makes perfect sense to make it more of a feature at school.  After all, your musical taste as a teen helps shape you into an adult.  Not to mention your wardrobe.

Educating the young about various musical movements through the ages – rock n’ roll, punk, the rise of electronic music etc – would not only help these fledgling beings decide on a route through their future, it would help eliminate bad taste in music. It would take a few generations, of course, as there are parents out there with terrible taste. They teach their kids to sing-a-long to manufactured bands comprised of people who cannot sing, let alone play an instrument. But with a little patience, we’ll get there. And, yes that was a reference to Take That.

Imagine instilling musical knowledge into an impressionable child’s brain – before they were exposed to the complete and utter bollocks that commercial radio stations play. My god, we could eradicate the fan base of chart topping atrocities such as Lady Gag-Gag and Justin Beiber! Imagine shit-pop becoming obsolete because the masses know better and aren’t interested! Imagine public transport without having to listen to Taio Cruz on some chav/bogan’s iPhone! This could be the future!

It’s a scientific fact that kids have a higher IQ if they play an instrument. It requires different areas of the brain to be engaged at the same time – motor skills, memory, ratios and fractions etc – and the results equal more grey matter. Which equals more intelligent people. Which we need more of!

Solid proof that that music is an essential part of life and needs to be given more priority at school. And maybe there shouldn’t be so many cupboards in educational institutions.



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